


Two charred hearts that once beat as one.

by Liberteaaxx



Category: One Direction
Genre: Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Will I ever write a fic that doesn't make me cry, larry - Freeform, larry is real, louis loves harry, time to say goodbye, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 22:10:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5842885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liberteaaxx/pseuds/Liberteaaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's found a sudden like for the dark and the art of straight vodka.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two charred hearts that once beat as one.

The dark consumed him, much like it had for what seemed an eternity. And maybe it wasn't as dark as he believed, even as the sun shined brightly through the open plan room leaving the ever glowing sparkle of light against the white floor beneath his feet. But even with the light trying with all its might to release him from his dark phase, he had no choice but to remain where he was and feel every inch of pain that it brought along with it. 

Alcohol. Vodka, to be exact. The only thing that seemed to keep Harry going. And he had been sat in his living room in his L.A home for what would now be, four days. His once endless supply of alcoholic goods now minimal as he drank his days away but today he found himself drinking heavy. Gulp after gulp of the liquid that he once claimed to dislike, but it was the only thing left in his house to consume and he was barely able to be picky about it, with the ever growing fear of leaving his house to buy a bottle of his favourite wine. 

There was a reason he found himself absolutely wasted at eleven in the morning and that reason was currently closing the front door behind it and walking into his home. And he couldn't decide whether he was angry or dreading it at this moment, in fact, he wasn't even sure if his mind could process such a heavy emotion with the amount of alcohol he had drank today. 

But the fear hit him as the door began to open from behind him, he simply stayed sitting, staring out of the window like he had been for days, in his favourite red arm chair that he had bought three years ago. And the door closed, Harry's body jumped slightly at the strange noise, it was weird for him, the only sounds he had heard for the past few days were the sound of a bottle opening and his swallows. 

He could sense it, even smell it, the familiar Calvin Klein aftershave practically washing out of the room. It was mixed with a tinge of tobacco, the smokey array burning Harry's nose. But he craved it, he had craved that familiar smell for so long, it brought comfort to him but it was short lived as the comfort washed away and he was left once again with his blood boiling with anger. 

"Harry" 

It was strange, that voice. It was almost unrecognisable to him, like a broken record going off over and over again in his head but instead of playing one of his favourite songs it was playing a song of disgust.

But he still turned, looking at the reason behind all of his sadness and he should have felt angrier. He had pictured this in his head so many times in so many different ways and all of them panned out completely different to this. He didn't expect for his heart to beat repeatedly with nerves, nor did he expect to cry. 

The boy stood there behind him dressed in all black, his hoodie practically drowning him as it reached half way down his thighs and his legs seemed so short in those joggers he had chosen to wear. He looked positively tiny. And usually this would fill Harry's heart with joy, he'd smile like a fool and compliment the boy but not this time. He could see the pain in the blue orbs that stared desperately towards him. And he didn't know if it was the pain he saw that was bringing him so much fear or it was that he knew exactly what was about to happen. 

"Hi" The boy croaked out, his voice barely audible as the silent tears fell across his cheeks. 

Harry opened his lips slightly, hoping that the words he wanted to say would fall from him with ease but he was left speechless. Instead, he turned around with his glass in hand and took another large gulp off his burning drink. 

"Please don't ignore me" The voice pleaded like a lost boy, begging for attention "You need to let me explain" 

"I" Harry starts and stops, his voice hitching in his throat but he soon composed himself closing his eyes as the words fell "I don't think there's anything to explain" 

"Oh god, oh thank god - you don't understand how much I needed to hear you voice. I missed your voice so much" He rambled, walking around frantically so he stood in front of Harry. 

He looked up at him, eyeing him up as he sat back on the coffee table in front. And he hated the closeness, he wanted to move but he couldn't.

"Please look at me. Please, just look at me that's all I'm asking" 

It took a few minutes for Harry's eyes to strain to his blue, he didn't realise that with just a simple look he could feel so much. 

"You haven't answered me for days" Louis said simply "I've called, text, I even called your mum to ask if you had changed your phone number. I even direct messaged you on Twitter, I was that desperate" 

"I chose to delete Twitter from my phone"

"What? Why?" 

"Really?" Harry questioned, looking at him like he was practically stupid. 

"Of course, sorry" He soon realised, bowing his head as he nodded slightly "I just wanted to talk" 

"About what?" 

"Come on Harry, please don't be difficult" 

Harry let out a bitter laugh, downing the rest of his drink and stood up. He simply barged into Louis' knees as he waltzed over to the bar with a stumble, pouring his glass to the brim with the horrible drink and downing at least half of it right there and then. And of course, he chocked on it, his body telling him to stop but he couldn't. He was sure he needed this. 

"It's sad really" Harry said, standing with his back to Louis' as he leant against the small home made bar "Honestly, I feel for you. It must be hard to promise people things time after time and not stick to them"

"Harry..."

"I always believe you, you know? It's like I have faith in every word you said to me, Niall told me years ago that I should never trust everything anyone says to me. Should have listened, right?" Harry choked out a laugh, taking a short sip of his drink "I suppose it's my fault, I'm too nice. You always told me I was too nice, said that I let people walk all over me. Turns out it was you who was doing that"

"I never" Louis quickly defended. 

"I believed you so much that when I saw you a month ago I completely went along with the idea that you were simply going to work and I believed that you'd come back. But, here we are Lou! A month later and boy, has everything changed, hey?" 

He placed his glass onto the bar top and turned around, leaning both elbows on the counter as he eyed Louis, his head bowed down as he failed to look at him back. 

"And the funny thing is, this time you have nothing. You can't even fight back to make me look stupid because for once, I finally know the truth" 

"It's not what you think" Louis began, weakly, rubbing his thighs with his hands over and over again with nerves. 

"I remember telling my mum about you, I told her how amazing you were and how I could never possibly find someone like you again in my life. I kept saying that I'd never leave you, I'd never let you leave, because I needed you and you made me believe you needed me" Harry blabbered on, his words slurring "And I would have believed that for the rest of my life, that Louis Tomlinson needed me. It was one of the only things keeping me going a lot of the time, but now, what do I have? A fiancé who lies and lies" 

"Why couldn't you ever just tell me the truth?" Harry finally asked, his voice breaking as his breath hitched "Why didn't you think you could come to me? Was I not good enough for you, is that it?" 

"No Harry, god no" Louis said, standing to his feet instantly to be close to him "Don't you ever believe that, you were and are the best and most amazing thing to ever walk into my life. No one and I mean no one compares to you" 

"Then why?" Harry practically croaked "Why did you cheat on me? I asked you about it and you lied"

"Jesus Harry" Louis sighed heavily, running his hand through his hair "Look, I don't know, okay? I don't know why I did it. I was freaked out, all of the coming out talk and leaving modest, it was all too much. We spent five years of our life being told what to do, what to say and who to be. I didn't even know how to be myself? How was I supposed to come out to the world when I wasn't even sure who I was?"

"And you think that's an excuse to cheat on me?" 

"No, of course it isn't" 

"Then why?"

"I was drunk" Louis admitted "I had been drinking for days, smoking a stupid amount of weed and my head wasn't even working properly. I was fucked up on a whole new level, I didn't even know I slept with her"

"You didn't know, but yet you'll raise this child?"

"We had the paternity test, it came back positive, I am the dad, Harry"

And it was then that Harry's heart finally broke, his breathing staggering and his eyes frantic. Of course he had heard, but he chose to ignore that detail, he chose to forget about it. 

"You have a son" Harry said, his voice barely audible as it came out through sobs.

"Yeah" Louis nodded weakly "His names Freddie" 

"And... And you did this all behind my back? After you went to all of the effort of asking me to marry you?" 

"I didn't plan on this Harry" 

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you got drunk, cheated on me and forget to put a fucking condom on" He fired back immediately, his voice louder and firmer than expected. "It was supposed to be us Lou, you and me. We had always talked about a big wedding, a big family and amazing life and now it's all fucked"

"What?" Louis questioned with a frown "Why is it? Of course it's not over, we can still be all of that Harry. We can get married, have plenty of kids and have that happily ever after"

"Are you fucking delusional? You cheated on me and have a son, I don't know if you have ever watched Cinderella but that's not how fairy tales work" 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

Harry couldn't answer, all of this new information just floating around in his mind and that plus alcohol wasn't helping. He walked past him, sitting in his comfort chair, he leaned his elbows on his knees and rested his head in the palm of his hands as he gently rocked back and forth. He was losing his mind, he was sure of it, 

"Harry?"

"Does he have your eyes?" Harry found himself asking, his face still firmly in his hands. 

"Yes"

"Is he beautiful?"

"So beautiful" 

Harry simply nodded, this time falling with his back against the chair and looking out at the window once again. He was aware that Louis was still stood close by, trying to figure out exactly what was going on but Harry didn't even know. He felt like he was in a nightmare in which he had lost all ability to think and speak straight and his fiancé had been replaced by a stranger. 

"Was it worth it?" 

"What?"

"Sleeping with Briana? Was it worth it?" He asked again. 

"I mean, sleeping with her was the biggest mistake of my life but having Freddie most definitely isn't" He admitted. "But, you can meet him Haz. You're going to be such a big part of his life and I want you to bond with him, Briana knows all about us and is more than happy for you to be as involved as I am. She's really quite supportive of the whole situation, I think you'll get on once you meet her. She can't wait to meet you, said she was such a big fan..."

"Louis" Harry tried to interrupt. 

"And we can bring him to shows with us and then when we do eventually come out we can walk publicly with him and all of that shit. And then once we are finally married we can think about adoption, start our own little family, give my boy some siblings, you know? With his daddy and his step daddy. It'll be amazing Harry, we can do this together, it can be this whole new amazing chapter of our lives and" 

"Louis" Harry spoke more firmly "Stop"

"Think how amazing it'll be Harry" Louis finished, crouching to his knees in front of Harry. 

"It will be" Harry retorted "But for you, not me"

"What do you mean? I just told you, B is completely fine with you being involved"

"Louis, no" He shook his head, leaning forward slightly to watch as the life slowly drifted from his eyes "This is your new chapter, not mine" 

"But how will that work? You'll be my husband Harry, you can't expect to not be involved with your step son" 

"Louis, please" Harry almost begged, his eyes welling with tears as he reached out for the older boys hand "Stop Lou, stop" 

"I don't understand what's happening Harry" 

"I can't, we can't" Harry shook his head, his eyes closing for a slight second "This isn't going to work boo, this isn't how our story is supposed to end" 

"But we can make it work" Louis pleaded as he finally resorted to tears.

"No Louis, we can't do that and you know we can't. It won't work, we can't make that work, that's not what we were destined to do" 

"But-"

"You are going to be such an amazing father, Freddie is the luckiest boy in the world to have you there to support him and love him for the rest of his life and Briana is so so lucky to have you there as well"

"You'll be an amazing father too" 

"Yeah, I'm sure I will be, one day. But not this time Lou, not in this situation" 

"You can't..."

Harry silenced him, bringing his hand up to wipe the lose tears from his cheek before cupping them both in his hands. 

"I love you so fucking much Louis Tomlinson, but I can't marry you" He spoke through tears, he pulled his hands away and struggled to bring his shaky fingers to his ring finger, he sighed heavily as he pulled it slowly from his finger, feeling the emptiness hit him as the gold ring that brought him so much happiness was gone.

He looked at Louis who was watching the exchange in tears, he reached out for his hand and placed the ring in his palm before closing it into a fist and holding it with both of his own. 

"But, I love you" Louis retorted, looking up at him. 

"And I love you but sometimes loving someone isn't the only reason to stay" 

"But what about everything we've been through? Modest? The closeting? We've fought for years Harry and you're just going to throw it all away?" 

"What could I possibly be throwing away? I do not regret a single moment of the time we've spent together Lou, the past five years have been more than I could have ever asked for but I can't sit back and carry on with this" Harry admitted "I wouldn't even know what I would be fighting for anymore, there's nothing left"

"So you're leaving me? This is it?" He asked, falling back onto his heels. 

"I'm not leaving you" Harry quickly argued "Before anything, you were my best friend and I will always count you as that. I will always be right there when you need me, you know that but just give me some time before you start ringing me up for advice"

"but, we're Louis and Harry. I don't... I don't know how to just be me, I need you"

"You're a big boy now Lou" Harry let out a short laugh "You're a dad now, you've got a someone to fight for and that should be all you think about. You don't need me to be who you are, you were amazing before I met you and you can be even better now"

Louis stayed silent, his usual arguing not showing a single trace as he sat back and allowed this to happen and Harry was kind of relieved because he knew that Louis could talk his way out of everything. But it was clear that they both knew deep down that they had no other choice, no matter how much they did love each other, their fairy tale and finally came to an end. 

Harry stood up, straightening his sweater and tying his hair up with the hair band that sat on his wrist. He looked down at Louis and simply pulled him up by his waist, standing the small boy up in front of him. 

"Hey" Harry whispered, wiping his own eyes with one hand as he lifted Louis' head up by his chin "We're going to be okay, you know? We can do this" 

"I don't want to"

"And neither do I, but we have to" Harry said, reaching out to leave one last gentle kiss on Louis' forhead, his lips lingered for only a few seconds before he pulled back with a large exhale. 

He stood away, grabbing his phone from the side of the sofa and sent a quick text to his driver. He looked at Louis once more before bravely walking away towards the door he had no long entered, as he felt the cold metal handle between his palm he was stopped by Louis. 

"But, where are you going?" 

"I don't know" Harry shrugged, turning his head back to look at him "Maybe run in a few pride festivals, go travelling, climb a mountain. I don't know, I just want to be free" 

"When will I see you again?" 

"In eighteen months" Harry smiled lightly "The hiatus is still only a hiatus, we'll be seeing each other soon" 

"I love you" Louis reminded Harry once more. 

"And I love you, you'll always be in my heart Louis Tomlinson" 

And as Harry stepped out of the house, breathing in the fresh L.A air he knew that he was going to be okay, in fact, he knew that they both were going to be okay. 

 


End file.
